Something I found intolerable was the fact that in order to keep your partner, you have to buy her presents. If you are crap at volleyball (Leifang is especially inept it would seem, but the one with the purple hair is a bit of a star), you cannot get a partner at all. And no partner means no volleyball. Poor Leifang had a whole week of days filled with obscure pool hopping, desperately trying to raise cash to buy the other girls presents that they inevitably threw in the bin (I'm not joking). To get the characters to accept the presents, you have to buy things according to their interests, which can be viewed on the opening page of the game (usefully) or more cryptically, in the casino there is a slot machine dedicated to each of the girls on the Island. Its symbols show the character’s interests, for example, the seashells on Helena's slot machine mean that she likes anything to do with the underwater world, so a starfish shaped brooch would be an ideal present for her. Now, perhaps I'm being unfair about the male population, but I shall use an event from my life to illustrate my misgivings about this aspect of the game: After a year of dating, my boyfriend was well aware of my allergy to dairy products, resulting in swelling and vomiting (so in other words, unattractive and to be avoided.) So for the first 'romantic' meal he decided to cook me, he chose vegetarian sausages with mash potato, in which he put about a block of cheese and a lot of single cream. If after a year of being told directly about my allergies, my male candidate could not choose an appropriate meal for me, how would he fair at having to decipher clues hidden in a slot machine in order to buy presents for artificial women who throw unwanted gifts in your face?

I would not buy my six year old a game that taught you that you have to buy your friends gifts constantly, or they will not like you (although it wouldn’t be an undesirable habit for my boyfriend to pick up...). However, we all know that the chosen market is males who have been banned from the real beach because of a nasty habit of keeping their hands in their pockets when watching teenage girls play beach games. If you needed further proof, the official site asks you to 'try not to drool' over the screen shots. Um, ok, I'll try...

However, the graphics are amazing, and even if the unbelievably detailed and for the most part accurate curves and grace of the characters does not appeal to you (which, lets face it, it probably will), then the gorgeous locations will. The sand moves beneath characters' feet, the water moves, and the light effects change as you progress throughout the day. It certainly makes the rain outside your window here in grey, grey England look a lot colder. And hey, if you want the game so that you can choose the ‘rest’ option and watch your chosen lady writhe around on a sun lounger in a barely string bikini, then hey, no-one's judging you....

On the whole though, DoAXBV is a lame attempt to make cyber soft-porn into an original and semi-interesting video game. It fails. Buy a real magazine or video, its cheaper, and just look at the screen shots if you are really that bothered. But if you were looking for a genuinely fun game, that can be picked up and played again and again and still be genuinely entertaining, don't bother at all: you'll just be left feeling confused, frustrated and finally bored.

- for the service it provides to underage lads desperate for an alternative to dated pictures of silicone-addict Jordan.

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By Keri Webster