I've a lot to be grateful for courtesy of the ladies of Microsoft’s DoA Xtreme beach volleyball (why do companies do that? I’m already annoyed at the little red lines appearing under the 'hip' misspelling of extreme). The promotional girlie calendar sent us at Christmas, devoting a month to each of the snake-hipped, impossibly breasted, firm young beauties, when pinned up next to the fridge makes sure I don't reach for the jam for a third piece of toast and don’t stray over a size 10.

That being said, we can pretty much agree that I am not attacking this game from a particularly feminist angle (though any attempt to deny that the game was totally insulting would be pointless). Gratuitous female semi-nudity (or full frontal nudity, if you believe that the 'nude patch' circulating the internet actually works) in video games is all good fun, no-one’s exploited, and let’s face it: we all like to giggle at an enormous pair of boobs faintly bouncing after a character has jumped up or taken a dive. No, the reason I’m attacking this game is that it’s shite.

I suppose I'm just disappointed. I really wanted this game to be a good laugh – a game in the same thread as the other DoA titles, that can be happily picked up after a few beers with your mates in an undemanding, fun tournament style game. The fact that you can laugh (or get aroused, if that’s what floats your boat, so to speak) at the characters' overtly sexual celebrations, such as Tina’s elaborate high uncrossing and crossing of her legs, is all part of the enjoyment. So that’s what I expected: a volleyball tournament game, complete with all the leg, breast and arse-ogling fun you care for thrown in.

I was, of course, wrong. Although that's about the gist of the multi-player game, it’s not exactly the most fun you can have with an Xbox; and after about a minute of bad camera angles, uncoordinated button tapping and soft groaning noises from the girls (in the game, not playing it, its not that good), we quickly got bored and stuck Kung-fu Chaos on for some better multi-player action. It’s best not to go for the multi-player option straight-away, as although the outcome of the matches isn’t overtly dependant on skill, with two of you both hitting redundant buttons and causing the characters to miss, fall over or just walk slowly around, the game isn’t quite as fast paced or 'reaction testing' as it purports to be. So, if you are still interested in the game, take my advice and play it on your own for a bit first to get the hang of it. Though, if you’re male and still going to buy it, I'm guessing that any time spent playing alone is quickly going to turn into playing with yourself. Anyhow, for the few precious minutes/seconds in which you keep the controller firmly gripped with both hands, go to the exhibition mode for a bit of practice.